 After
I was dropped off, I prayed and then I began to walk
around the city. At first, I was looking for street
people but did not see any. I thought that if I could
find them, they would be the best source of information.
I thought I knew what I was looking for. I knew the look,
the dress and many of the mannerisms of these people.
What I discovered was that I knew how to stereotype. I
now know that I had a thing or two to learn about
"looking at the outward appearances" of people.
My
first stop was at a gas station. After initially being
ignored for a minute, I asked the worker if he could tell
me if there was a "drop-in center in this town or
some place where people could go during the day to keep
warm." He then directed me to the Salvation Army
(called the SALLY I was later to learn from the street
people) which he said was down the street. I immediately
walked the 3 blocks until I found it. There were two
buildings and it took me a few minutes to find out where
to go. When I arrived at the front door, the man outside
(apparently a homeless man in their work program; a
trustee) said the shelter was not open and that I should
go the Horizon Center located just three blocks down and
to the left. He told me 'that is where most of the people
who stayed at the Salvation Army at night went during the
day.’ He rattled off the name of the place and
street quickly. I did not ask him to repeat himself. I
left not fully understanding the directions. I began
walking and soon got lost and had to ask directions from
different strangers. Most people had not heard of the
Horizon Center but many had heard of the street Martin
Luther King Drive so they directed me there.
After
what seemed to be about 45 minutes of walking and asking
directions I finally found the center. While I was
walking, I began to feel frustrated and tired and it
began to dawn on me, possibly for the first time in my
life, that people were looking at me differently. Was it
because of what I was wearing? The seminary community and
the friends and workers from the Christian community in
Athens had helped me to respect myself for who I was, not
for what I was wearing. I recalled the scripture
"Man looks on the outward appearance but  God looks on the heart." At
first I tried to inwardly laugh-off the looks people gave
me, but later they began to sap my energy. I kept
wondering if they were thinking, "What's wrong with
him? Is he mentally ill? Why doesn't he get a job?”
The mind can really play tricks on you with other
peoples’ dirty looks. I began to feel sad. I began
to experience a little bit of "lost-ness" and
loneliness. I began to feel the thoughts of others and to
take notice of their double takes and looks. At this
point however, I felt physically strong and emotionally
secure. I knew who I was and dirty looks were not about
to take me down. Not yet.
Well,
as I said, after a lot of walking I finally arrived at
the Horizon Center, one of two places in the entire city
where homeless people could stay during the day. It was a
one story steel building shaped like an airplane hangar
set in a parking lot next to the sheriffs’
department behind the county jail. I later thought,
"What a funny looking building and what a location!
What kind of message is sent by the decision to locate
here?”
I
came in through the back door and later learned it was
not to be used as a entrance. I immediately noticed the
room filled with people, noise, smoke, and the smell of
dirt. I did not notice anyone looking especially at me.
It became apparent that people were involved with one
another and new-comers did not break in easily. I soon
got in line to get some food. Not once during my days on
the streets, did any staff from any of the agencies I
went to come to me and speak with me.
It
was about 9:00 a.m. The food being served was turkey,
green beans, baked beans, lemonade, hot tea, stuffing and
gravy. It tasted okay. After I got my plate full of food,
I decided to sit near a newspaper so that I could read
the news while I ate my food. After the meal I watched
and listened and began to make some observations:
- Some of the men were already very drunk even
though it was only nine o’clock in the
morning.
- The one child got a lot of attention and brought
out the "childlike" part of many men.
- Everyone used the same five cuss words and it
seemed like a minute didn't go by that someone
was not saying something foul. People were
emotionally "on edge" and used a lot of
emotional language.
- Some of the people were playing cards, shouting
and cussing out each other. There was a lot of
ridicule, outward threats and negative voices.
The place was very dirty and the atmosphere was
depressing. At times, it was hard to tell the
difference between joking and threatening.
- The place was dirty. Very dirty. Trash and
cigarettes butts every where, food left in
different places, vodka and rum bottles on the
bathroom floor and a smoke filled room. Many
people did not clean up after themselves. (I
learned I must be allergic to cigarette smoke
because it really made me sick). The place was
chaotic and not fit for animals. The drinking
fountain did not work and water was available out
of a jug, but only a few cups were placed out and
these were used and reused by everyone.
- There was a bathroom for men and one for women.
The men's room door was always kept open. I
watched a lot of drug deals take place, a lot of
alcohol consumption and a lot of private
conversations go on back there. The place smelled
very bad and could be best described as slime,
slime, slime. They did have a shower in there but
I would have never considered using it.
- The people: A woman I thought might be a
prostitute. She would come and go all day and
would be on and off the free phone. A number of
severely mentally disabled people including a
woman who talked in rhymes to herself while she
rocked and while others laughed at her, and a
number of men who sat in deaf stonefaced silence
for hours and would not talk with anyone. Staff -
security guards - job givers (exploiters) -
kitchen cookers.
- Rules were posted on the walls which I read as I
passed by in line for a meal. I wondered what
they did for those who could not read. The rules
explained how certain behavior would not be
tolerated, (weapons, drugs, alcohol, acts of
violence or foul language) and how everyone
needed to come in through the front door and sign
in. I very rarely saw any of these rules
enforced. No one spoke to me about any rules,
asked me to sign in or told me not to enter
through the backdoor.
- There was a TV but it was small and only a few
people could see it and less could hear the
sound. It was a old black and white and the
picture was poor. The only couches in the room
were in front of the TV and many of the drunks
slept there during the day.
- People were coming and going all day long often
leaving in small groups and returning a few hours
later. I wondered where they went.
- During the afternoon, I counted about five men at
different times who passed out and were escorted
by other homeless men and/or carried to chairs,
the floor or the couch (depending on what was
available) to sleep off their drunk. I suspect
that a large percentage of the people used
alcohol daily. Could I blame them? I began to
understand the misery which led them to using
drugs. It was the only way of escape that some of
these people could see from the horrible rut in
their life. I finally began to understand that a
"high" was a way of coping with the
misery of street life. When people live in
darkness, depression, pain and misery, they look
for any escape that will bring relief and their
drug of choice (be it food or alcohol) is usually
the first thing they think of as a companion
through tough times.
- From what I could observe, the staff at the
Horizon Center did very little interacting with
the homeless there, except to come out and quiet
them down. The dressed very differently and it
was very obvious who worked there and who was
served there. I tried to made eye contact on
several occasions in the hope that they would
approach me but the staff never came to speak
with me.
- Initially, it was unclear how many of these
people were simply street people who had homes
but who hung out at the Horizon Center and how
many were homeless people. I later discovered
that almost everyone there was homeless.
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